Trials and Tribulations

As some people in my close circle of friends and  mom's group know,  I have been struggling with this over the last 2 years and more dominantly in the past 6 months. I've always been the kind of person who  believes in the existence of a solution to any problem.  But just when I turned from several specialists and ear doctors to my original dentist to treat the case for myTMJ (which gives me sever headaches, and ear-aches), I was diagnosed with, I realized how fragile humans condition and existancecan be and how none-pragmatic one can be to not be willing to see that!  I  seemed to have always believed in black-and-white terms, as in the invincible and controlling type A personality that I can be at times, but I've realized that sometimes there may not be a definitive solution to a given problem. Just as Paolo Coelho said:when you're lost in a desert, there is no going back; and when you cannot go back you must only think of finding a way to move forward. Yes, I'm in that desert! and I still wish the pain and suffering would stop, or there were a treatment to cure the source completely  but I do realize that that may not happen. Pain is a subjective matter and it's hard to describe how you feel when it comes.  there are of course ways to help alleviate it such as  splints, guards, jaw massages, or pain killers but they don't fully resolve the core issue and there may always be a residual lingering pain with a chance of come back.   So, now amidst all the hesitations, ordeals, and ambiguity, I just  take a deep breath, and try to find the courage to accept or pass this test of life and think of a way to move forward!   Distracting myself in work, cooking, laundry, submerging my soul in a good music, dropping off Arah at school and talking to her teacher, are all theraputic to me but am not quite  there yet in terms of the fully 'moving forward'!  I hope I find that power to some day  find that solace and not quit.

However, I've also perceived that bright side that having  tribulations  in life brings which is that you value the good that you already have!  Nowadays, any day that I wake up that there is no pain, is a celebration of life!  I smile a lot to anyone I see and or talk to and I try to be extremely kind to people in my surrounding, which at times sounds strange to some to see me so happy.  I want to open up and tell them how blessed I feel to be healthy and normal but I can't always.    Life is certainly not taken for granted here!  I do things,  take my family to restaurant, take Arah to the floaty jump slides and roll down together and squeal in joy over and over, I read to her and practice her knowledge of vocabs and letters and I try to be charitable to and help others, listen to their pain, and offer support.  It resonates in me to think Shouldn't we always be this way and treat each day as if it were our last ?  It makes me see that old saying much more vividly now!   Having shared this here with you, if you happen to read this and may have had a similar issue, I do ask to keep me in your prayers and I do pray for everyone who's battling with chronic pain in their lives like me. 

“Life is a gift, and it offers us the privilege, opportunity, and responsibility to give something back by becoming more”  -  Anthony Robbins