sigh... So here I am... Sitting on my bed with a lot of pain a day before thanksgiving. where do I begin? what do I say... Ready to count my blessings and be thankful for everything God has given me in life. and yet a creeping cloud of fear and agony hangs over my sky. My fear of unknown. Fear of loosing all the excitements I have been accumulating over the past 2 months. Fear of shattered hopes, lost dreams even though short lived. What I am going to write doesn't necessarily need to be shared. But I need to write. I need to record this for me... and our family journal. Is this baby going to make it. Is this real? what is happening to my body? It seems too dramatic to be true. Was this my fault? Was I too stressed? Did I stress too much because of the flu on my review day? Does that even count as a viable reason or was it doomed from the moment God placed this baby in my body. Today I will find out. Spent yesterday in the doctors office taking blood samples and making numerous phone calls reporting the hourly changes. Now just awaiting the HCG results to take it from there. I have my fears. I have my doubts. I am too confused to make sense of it now. But only time can tell and I hope I will be ready to cope with whatever providence has set out for us. I hope I have something positive to be thankful for this thanksgiving.
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